The McGuigan Killing: Shocking New Admission Of Responsibility!

Courtesy of the Waterford Whisper News, we can now reveal the true identity of the republican group whose killing of Kevin McGuigan has thrown Ireland into a political crisis and senior policemen and politicians on both sides of the Border excelling each other in the scope and quality of their lying:

The Fake IRA Takes Responsibility For McGuigan Murder

 

A LESSER known branch of the Irish Republican Army called ‘The Fake IRA’ (FIRA) has taken full responsibility for the murder of Kevin McGuigan in the Short Strand area of east Belfast on Wednesday, August 12th.

The group, who are not to be confused the Real IRA (RIRA), confirmed comments by Sinn Féin leader Gerry Adams yesterday that they “do not represent Republicanism” adding “they are not the IRA”.

“We’re just pretending,” a spokesperson for the organisation told WWN this morning. “No, seriously, Gerry is right; we’re not the same lads at’ll at’ll. They’re different to us in every way. Sure, we don’t even know Gerry that well. We just see him in passing, that kind of thing.”

Speaking in Dundalk at the National Hunger Strike commemoration, Mr. Adams said the IRA has “gone away” since 2005 to some far away land; never to return.

“Yeah, those boys are gone alright,” said the Irish politician, who continuously denies his senior connections to the group. “Not that I knew them in the first place or anything. I just know it wasn’t the lads… I mean: the IRA. Yeah, they’re probably somewhere really far away,” he added before dramatically ducking to the sound of a car door being slammed in the background.

“Okay, thanks for coming everybody. I better go home now to my very secure house. Bye,”  he hastily added.

Following Mr. Adams’ swift exit, deputy First Minister of Northern Ireland Martin McGuinness reiterated his comrade’s comments, stating: “Gerry’s word is good enough for me,” before also making a quick exit to an awaiting bulletproof car.

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