June 19, 2018
By Jacob Rosenberg
After stating that he did not need to prepare much for a meeting with Kim Jong-un in Singapore, US president Donald Trump showed the North Korean leader a fake trailer depicting what his country would look like if it reentered the international community.”I think he loved it,” said Trump, who reportedly adored North Korea’s state-run TV service. He also told Kim that his country could have “the best hotels in the world” and announced that he would suspend US military drills in South Korea, but did not notify South Korea. Kim brought his own toilet to the summit.
The Department of Justice said in a report that a top FBI agent investigating Russian interference in the 2016 election had texted another agent that “we’ll stop” Trump from becoming president, and that former FBI director James Comey had mishandled the probe into Hillary Clinton’s email server and used his personal email for FBI business. Paul Manafort’s bail was revoked, and the Supreme Court upheld Ohio’s ability to purge voters from its rolls. In Nevada, a legal pimp won the Republican primary for the state Legislature.
Attorney General Jeff Sessions cited the “wise command in Romans 13, to obey the laws of the government,” a passage that was often used to defend slavery in the 1850s, to justify separating immigrant children from their parents and the zero tolerance policy for those who illegally cross the US-Mexico border, including asylum seekers. An executive of Casa Padre, a nonprofit detention center inside a former Walmart in Texas, told journalists, “You might want to smile. The kids feel a little like animals in a cage, being looked at.” The shelter holds nearly 1,500 children, and has a mural of Donald Trump with a quote, in English and Spanish, from his 1987 book The Art of the Deal. Alphonso Davies, a 17-year-old Vancouver Whitecaps FC soccer player whose parents are Liberian refugees, stated, “The people of North America have always welcomed me. If given the opportunity, I know they will welcome you” during the final bid that won the United States, Mexico, and Canada joint hosting duties for the 2026 FIFA World Cup. Animals are becoming increasingly nocturnal because of human activity.
AT&T purchased Time Warner for $85.4 billion; Comcast bid $65 billion “all cash” to acquire 21st Century Fox, which Disney is also trying to acquire. An electric scooter startup is seeking funding at a $2 billion valuation, Tesla eliminated 9 percent of its workforce, and Elizabeth Holmes, the former CEO of the blood-testing startup Theranos, was indicted on federal fraud charges. It was reported that Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner made at least $82 million in income outside their positions in the White House and that EPA chief Scott Pruitt had an aide help secure his wife a job at a conservative group after failing to get her a Chick-fil-A franchise. A woman is preemptively suing NASA to keep a vial of moondust that Neil Armstrong gave her; a dust storm the size of North America may have broken a NASA probe; and researchers found the source of microwave light emanating across the Milky Way may be hydrogenated nanodiamonds. Archaeologists think they have found the head of Jezebel’s husband. Czech president Milos Zeman announced a press conference, gathered reporters, and then had two firefighters burn a massive pair of red underpants in front of them. “I’m sorry to make you look like little idiots,” he said.